Monday, February 7, 2011

How to Enter a Winter Bed

 A winter bed is high...that is probably the important thing to remember. Success of entry will depend on your age , height and agility . Many approaches exist , but here are some tried and true methods .

1. Approaching directly to the side of the bed , raise both arms together to give lift to your body as you spring into the air . You may land fully across the mattress then wriggle yourself into the correct position ; or you can execute a quarter-turn laterally midair to land prone in the appropriate orientation for sleeping .

 I call this the 'Diver Position' . Failure to get lift may result in contact with the side of the mattress . Possibility of injury is minimal as your feet are pointing downward for an easily achieved hard-surface landing . Minor injury can be incurred as a result failure to flex the knees at impact .

2. This approach , my personal favorite , depends on your height . To determine if this method can work for you , stand beside the bed to see if the mattress surface is between is within 8-10 cms of your hip . A measurement slightly  below can be compensated for by raising yourself on to the toes  when in the starting position .
 Facing the foot of the bed, standing about 15 cms from the mattress , swing your inside leg forward and upward while raising yourself onto your toes . Place the buttock onto the mattress surface and roll toward the centre of the bed . Adjust your body position after achieving entry .
*NB- Legs wider than 30 cms impede entry and may result in 'on-your-ass' , hard-surface landing . I would suggest people in this category use method 4 . People shorter than 165cms tall may also prefer method 4 .

3. Approaching the bed at a 30 degree angle , swing the outside leg forward and upward while giving extra lift by raising yourself onto your toes . While the outside leg is in motion , pivot on the toes of the fixed leg toward the bed as you pitch your body upward into lift-off . While in the air , twist your body a half turn so that you are facing your landing . Place your arms into position to reduce landing weight and prevent full-face impact .
Failure to complete the sequence of motion almost always results in injury since it usually ends in hard-surface contact . Bedroom carpetting is a must , as is the removal of bedside tables , lamps and any pointed objects . I do not recommend this manouver if you have a chandelier over your bed .

WARNING ! This approach is not for the feint-of-heart , the athletically challenged , the uncoordinated or those with minor brain stem dysfunction . Always consult a certified PE trainer before attempting this entry method at home . Always consult a physician in the case of a failed entry that results in serious injury .

4. Use a stepping stool ...the cost is minimal . This method can be employed by anyone . The benefit is that you can approach entry in reverse a form especially preferred by people who like to sit on the edge of the bed to put on their socks .

5. Sit . Tall persons may proceed normally , and will be pleasantly surprised that it is not such a long way down .

Whatever method you choose to get into a winter bed , the reward at the top is worth the effort .

The author of this article welcomes other how-to descriptions of entry methods and questions from the uninitiated .

The author of this article is not responsible for personal injury or damage to property caused by failed entry or inadequacies in the bed or the user . 

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